As the discourse about open and casual relationships has increased so much over the past few years, there is confusion about the conceptual understanding of these various forms and kinds of relationships that have started prevailing. This is especially true of poly relationships or non-monogamous relationships where people have more than one romantic partner in the mix. Now, there are further two types of poly relationships- polyamorous and polygamous. While polyamorous is the newer form of setup where the romantic partners are committed to each other without any legal strings of marriage in a gay, straight, or lesbian polyamory, polygamous relationships are those where an individual marries more than one person legally. So, in order to be involved in a polygamous relationship, forces more than individual choice comes into play as it is not legal in most parts of the world.
If an individual fundamentally believes in having multiple romantic as well as sexual partners as in the case of a Unicorn couple, it is very much possible to do so within the legal boundaries by either cohabitating or coming up with a customized set of rules. In the case of polygamy, especially in the Black community which has been on an exponential rise, there can be legal restrictions coming the way. But even apart from that, there can be a few major challenges that throuples or quadruples face while trying to manage black polygamy. In this article, we will be curating a quick guide on how to make black polygamy work within the healthy limits of a poly relationship. Let’s get started.
6 Go-To Tips to Make a Black Polygamy Work
Be Clear About Your Needs & Expectations
In a black polygamy setup, it can be really confusing to go about the relationship without losing perspective of your own needs and expectations. This is especially true for people who are still new to a polyamorous or polygamous setup. Since there are not many reference models to look at for the Black Community, people really need to sort things out for themselves if they wish to maneuver the paths of a polygamous relationship. The involved individuals need to be sure of what they are looking for, or what their needs are out of this setup before diving into the conversation about the relationship at large.
You will only be able to play a healthy part in your polygamy when there is no confusion about your individual purpose and motivations. For instance, if you’re someone who generally has insecurities & jealousy, you might have to work that out with your partner as it could otherwise intensify with the addition of new partners. Keep in mind that it is not the same as a swinger lifestyle as it goes much beyond sex.
Establish Boundaries for Black Polygamy
When speaking about any romantic or platonic relationship, boundaries form one of the most crucial parts of it. It is because an absence of established boundaries can easily turn the relationship toxic by blurring the lines and the individual would unconsciously be subjected to a lot more than they signed up for. The threshold of each individual to absorb & handle things emotionally, mentally, and physically varies from person to person. Hence, it is only you who will be able to understand where you need to draw a line, especially in black polygamy as there are multiple romantic partners involved.
There could be a lot of cases in black polygamy where you might have to cohabitate with multiple partners, unlike a casual bi threesome where you can just bounce once the sex is done. In such situations, setting up personal boundaries in the relationship in terms of how much of your life will be shared, how much say will they have in your life, etc are really important before the inception of this committed relationship.
Communicate Openly & Regularly in Black Polygamy
For a black polygamy relationship to work, it is extremely important for all the involved partners to maintain transparent communication amongst themselves. This mode of communication is not only integral before the relationship begins but also regularly while you’re at it. If there is anything about the setup that is making you uncomfortable at any point, you should be able to communicate the same with your partner so that it can be sorted out immediately. This helps to maintain a healthy polygamous relationship without any unpleasant feelings of insecurity or jealousy.
As in the case of black polygamy, there might be newer challenges as that of lesbian polyamory that come with multiple committed romantic partners with respect to the time you spend with your partners, the divided attention, etc, it becomes all the more important to constantly keep checking in with all your partners whether or not they are feeling okay with the relationship dynamic. If you are the partner who brought about the proposal of polygamy between the two of you first, you need to be empathetic towards them and give them the time to adjust to this fairly new, non-monogamous black polygamy dating situation.
Spend Quality Time With Partners Individually
Since you have committed yourself to having two families with two different romantic partners or more, you will also need to make sure that your time is equally divided among all of them so that you don’t lose the essence of your relationship while trying to manage black polygamy. Loss of quality time inevitably becomes one of the biggest factors that lead to a breakup.
Therefore, you should take it upon yourself to plan exclusive quality dates with each of your partners personally and make them feel loved and wanted. It is very easy for insecurity to creep in especially when the debate about who loves who more comes in. So, it’s best that you don’t let that point arrive & keep all of them satiated with all the love, affection, and attention. You may also choose to plan out a schedule with days of the week that you will be spending with different polygamy partners so that there’s no argument over the same.
Maintain a Healthy Relationship With Your Partner’s Partner(s)
As you have entered the black polygamy relationship consensually, you must also keep in mind that your partner bears similar responsibilities towards someone else. It is important to respect and acknowledge partners other than yourself for the polygamous setting to run smoothly. You don’t necessarily have to get along with your partner’s partner(s) and be the best of friends with them but a basic level of courtesy and respect is not too much to ask.
Each black polygamy is different and so are all the individuals. So, keep an open mind while going into it and you might even form an amicable bond with them. Else, you can maintain a safe and healthy distance from it all to ensure a healthy run of the relationship.
Don’t Compromise on Your Me-Time
Keeping in mind whatever has been said about being there for all your multiple partners & making sure you balance your time, you must also try to take out time for yourself. At times, it can be a lot to juggle the romantic expectations of multiple partners while also taking care of other aspects of your life so it is important that you should set your priorities right and try to spend time with yourself in solace.
This would not only give you time to indulge with things that pleasures you but also act as a break & take you back to your relationships refreshed. It could be anything from watching Netflix to reading or going out shopping, trying to ease your mind and take a break from the constant pressures of black polygamy.
In a nutshell, a Black polygamy relationship can be the most normal form of a relationship without making a big deal out of it. There needs to be transparent communication and true love among the partners for a polygamous relationship to work. It might be quite new for a lot of people since mainstream monogamous relationships have always worked a certain way within the mold which can be hard to break.
You might be able to find an appropriate polygamous or polyamorous partner on a threesome dating site if you’re lucky to find people who are looking for something more serious and beyond the sexual part of it.
Also, keep in mind that a polygamous relationship never turns into a chore for you where it takes conscious forced effort to make things work and set the priorities right. If that’s the case, you might want to rethink your decision of opting for a polygamous relationship. Just go with the flow and have fun with multiple partners instead of stressing about it all the time.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q.1 What is Black Polygamy?
Ans. Black Polygamy is a type of relationship where someone from the black community prefers to have more than one romantic partner and even prefers to get married to them. It is a consensual relationship where all the involved partners agree upon the setup of having a partner who has committed significant others.
Q.2 Where can we find black men and women who practice polygamy?
Ans. Following are the top picks of dating sites where you can find polyamorous or polygamous dating options in the black community:
Q.3 Are polyamorous relationships healthy?
Ans. A polyamorous relationship is a setup where people prefer to have more than one romantic partner. It can be a completely healthy relationship if all the involved partners uphold a few basic rules as follows:
- Establish healthy communication
- Maintain safe boundaries
- Respect your partner as well as their partners
- Take out time for all your romantic partners equally